The stats of motherhood...

If you are a mother, you've heard all of these questions more than a few times. You know the questions I'm talking about, they're the number questions, the ones that either build you up or wear you down depending on the day they're asked, the mood you're in, the mood your baby is in, or the person asking them. And they seem to start the moment your baby is in your arms.

How long was your labor?

How big is your baby?

How many hours does she sleep at night?

How often does she wake?

How many naps does she take?

How often does she eat?

Wow, she's so big/small/skinny/squishy/tall/short/etc.

The list of questions goes on and on. Each one having some sort of numerical answer that either pleases the questioner or causes them to start dispensing advice on how to coax a more suitable number out of your little baby. I know that most of the time the questions are meant with good intentions and genuine interest, I have asked many of them of new mothers myself. They seem to be the questions to ask, but over time, they can start to feel like judgement, an evaluation of how well you are mothering, a quantitative assessment of your new 24 hour job.

Many of the answers to the number questions can also be a source of intense pain, sadness, or fear on the part of the new mother and can incite a reaction that they, and you, weren't expecting. I remember fighting back tears in the grocery store when the checker remarked how tiny Dahlia looked at two weeks old. She had been gaining weight slowly and I had all kinds of very raw "I'm not feeding my baby enough" guilt. It turned out to be just fine in the end, but at the time it felt devastating and the littlest thing could set me off.

As I have been thinking about this over the last few weeks I have tried to come up with a more qualitative set of new mother questions that may land a little softer on the fragile, hormonal, sleep deprived recipient. Questions that focus on the beauty of the new life and the mother-baby relationship, not on how they are "performing."

Don't babies' heads have the most wonderful smell?

What have you found to be your most useful piece of baby gear?

Does she look like you or her father when you were babies?

What new thing have your learned about her this week?

What is your favorite thing to do together?

I'm not trying to eradicate the number questions from use, but rather to have them used more judiciously, and maybe padded a little with other, less qualitative questions. New moms everywhere will appreciate it.

Thanks for listening, that's been on my mind for a awhile. And now for some random pictures.

Dahlia has learned to wave and it may be the cutest thing she does.

Looking puffy in a snow suit.

Dots and stripes!!!

Matching German aprons...I wore the little one when I was a baby.

Making some very important calls.